I lent a certain Hugo Malik $1,000 in the Island Bar in 1985 and he never repaid it. If you are dead Hugo, forget about it.

You and everyone else Toad. He's still got my umbrella as well.

I had no idea that Hugo Malik was a serial loan defaulter. Bob ' the snapper' Davis told me in 1994 that Malik was last seen managing a pub near Leicester Square, London. Any other sightings?

Hugo "the borrower" Malik was a teenager at the time his greatest borrowing crimes took place.

My dad always said, "if you don't want see someone again, lend them money they can't afford to pay back".

I did not lend Hugo any dosh but have not seen him since he was 17 or 18.

No doubt he has been murdered by now.

I traced Hugo Malik to an Iranian restaurant in North West London where he was the manager up to a year ago. A new employee said she thought he was bossing another restaurant nearby. His father journalist Michael Malik died last year. He also lived on Lamma and was a bit unpleasant.

Did you get your money back from HUGO the borrower?

Well, I spoke to a lady on the phone at the Shish Restaurant, Hoxton, London. She said the boy Hugo Malik was managing the place up to a year ago. If anybody wants to finish off the trail by ringing (London) 0207-749-0990 and making further inquiries we would all be grateful. The net is closing on the loan defaulter Hugo Malik, I feel it in my bones.